Wednesday, December 31, 2008

What the Heck is THAT!?

Really...this meeting went much better than it could have, let's be honest....

After a couple days of listening to me wail, and sniffing around, "Norma The Cat" finally ventured up onto Dad's lap with me, smelled my head, and deemed me "Fit For The Apartment"

Sunday, December 28, 2008



My name is Samuel Wenceslaus Pellegrino-Grant.

Ah, you think my middle name is a little unique, eh? Well good! Because it's supposed to be!

The back story is as follows...The Christmas song "Good King Wenceslaus" was a favorite of my Mom's father (My Grandfather) The story goes that a king goes out to give alms to a poor peasant on the Fest of Stephen (December 26th) During the journey, his page is about to give up the struggle against the cold weather, but is enabled to continue by the heat miraculously emanating from the king's footprints in the snow. The legend is based on the life of the historical Saint Wenceslaus I, Duke of Bohemia.

My parents decided that my middle name would be Wenceslaus if I were born on December 26th, and lo and behold, I was, so lo and behold it is!

So far, I like it...Also, I have a rockin' Christmas song with my name in it! You can't beat THAT!

More later!

Friday, December 26, 2008

A Dot No More... my birthday!

I am officially a baby...I have been born...

Dad, Mom, and Gramma Mindy went to the hospital, in the early Christmas evening, as Da Gramma and NotDaGramma hopped in a car and drove down from Connecticut...I refused to be a Christmas baby, so I kept Mom in labor until 5:31 on December 26...

I was 21 3/4 Inches, and weighed in at a whopping 8 Pounds 2 Ounces...Dr Keller was right...

My name is....::sigh::....I'm EXHAUSTED...that was a lot of work for me, too...I'll tell you all in the next post...with more news to follow...

To tide you over, here is my first picture. I was one hour old...

And, as requested, I am wearing an adorable little hat. My reign begins...

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Off to the Hospital....

How exciting...we're all taking a little trip!

There better be a Teddy Bear, and some adorable hats waiting for me...

Merry Christmas!!

A very happy holiday to all of you who celebrate it!

To those who don't....HAPPY THURSDAY!!!

More contractions....a little stronger escape for me, just yet, though...

I am also doing a lot of squirming around in one ever thinks about the fact that contractions are essentially like tiny earthquakes in the only house I have ever known...

Yeah...NOW you're thinking about it...

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

All is calm....all is bright...

That's it for tonight...we have had a successful test of the Contraction Machine...the contractions are tapering off, and it's off to bed...

After about an hour of steady contractions, and a couple of hours of sporadic contractions, I have decided to call it a night....

Now that I know how everything works in here, expect more from me tomorrow...

Fast & Furious....

The contractions are rolling along in's getting a bit bumpy...We're timing them, and keeping an eye on the sitch...I'll keep you posted best I can...but once I'm out, I have to count on regular access to the Internet to update you all...

Also, I had the hiccups again earlier today. I'm looking very forward to being on The Outside where these "hiccups" are a thing of the past...

Wait a minute...what do you MEAN they exist on The Outside?

A Tale of Two Showers Part II: A Surprise Daddy Shower!!!

So...There was a second baby shower...

Many moons ago (8 or 9 of them actually) my mom had some friends that were very forward thinking, and decided that they wanted to throw my Dad a "Daddy Shower" While my Dad was excited about the prospect (MANly diaper bags!! MANly baby clothes!! MANly adorable little hats!!) his schedule is such that getting people together for any type of party in his honor is near-impossible...

SO....they talked about it for months, and whenever they actually saw these friends, the friends would mention it, and Dad would honestly be game for the party, but scheduling would be a toughie...

SO...they decided to just plan it without him, and stage it as a surprise Daddy Shower...

SO...Mom tells him one night that she made plans for them on some random evening with these friends. Dad was understandably annoyed (And kind of a jerk) about the plans that the two had not discussed, not having any idea that this was a party in his honor.

They went there that night, and as they entered, Matt first saw a couple friends of his that didn't hang out with this other group of friends (One of which had brought along their baby) and when he stared at the room, mouth suitably agape, the host of the party announced "Matt....welcome to your Daddy Shower"

Dad was COMPLETELY surprised, and told the room the story about how he was understandably annoyed (And kind of a jerk) about the plans earlier that week, not having any idea that this was a party in his honor. He then apologized to my Mom in front of anyone...

My Dad's friend that had brought along his baby promptly handed the baby to my Dad (Who has held a total of 3 babies in his whole life). The baby looked back at his parents, back to my Dad, and started wailing...Dad attempted to sooth the child, but that only made it worse...

Throughout the evening, the baby would look at my Dad, look horrified and sad, and then grasp desperately at whatever parent was holding him...
The shower was a blast...the people that threw the party had a lot of kid-themed snacks (Like the Animal-Shaped chicken nuggets pictured above) lots of Cheerios cereal, cookies, etc...They also played a game of "Apples to Apples" (Pictured below) whose answers had been altered to be more baby-centric, which was awesome, and a LOT of fun....Dad was shocked, as there weren't any games at Mom's shower (Not that would have wanted them necessarily...) and this one was a lot of fun!

Gifts were plentiful...LOTS of handmade stuff (Hat, scarves, bibs, socks, an AMAZING sweater and scarf from the grandmother of the baby that hated Dad...) Lots of other stuff, too...countless gifts, books, two keychain digital picture frames (For Mom and Dad to show me off) and a gift certificate to Best Buy so Mom & Dad can buy a camera (To also show me off...)

Man....another batch of very generous people!

At press time, gifts are still trickling in...a surprise awaits us in Connecticut, Dad's friend's Mom knitted me an awesome blanket, and hooked me up with multiple sizes of diapers to last me the year...

As in the last post about Mom's shower...I can't thank everyone enough...Dad was flabbergasted, and VERY surprised, and he appreciated all the trouble everyone went through for the shower...

To The Alpha Delts (and their extended family), Matt's pals from the UPS Store, and those in Connecticut and the surrounding areas that couldn't make any showers, but still took the time to get me something...from the bottom of my heart (Which is actually currently upside-down right now, so it's kind of near the top) thank you all so much!!!


Today is technically my due date....

All bets are off after this...

Stay tuned!

Merry Christmas!!



Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Sooner or later...

Day 270 of my incubation...

I have sent out several more warning contractions...and then turned them back off again.

Mother is annoyed...father is confused and antsy...Gramma Mindy is on pins and family up in Connecticut is excited and ready to head down here at a moment's notice...Other family and friends throughout the country (Virginia, Ohio...Indiana...EVERYWHERE!) are waiting with baited breath for the news...everyone hinges on my whim.

This is kinda fun...

Monday, December 22, 2008


I sent out the first really regular contractions tonight...they were coming about every half hour for about 2 hours, but then I stopped...

I'm just testing the equipment down here to make sure it's all ready for The Big Show...

Soon, people....very soon...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

My Womb Time is Waning....

Slowly but surely, I'm heading out into the big bright world.

The doctor says that Mom has been dilating exactly on schedule like she should be (There IS a bit more light in here than usual, I have noticed...) and Mom has been having contractions a few times a day. Nothing crazy yet, but I feel them in here, and it's gotten me to thinking...

Mom and Dad always talk about how nervous they are, and for the first time I'm thinking that I may be a little nervous myself, about coming out there... 

It's a scary place, but I think they'll do a good job...they kinda have to, as I am obviously destined for greatness...

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Odds n' Ends...

Don't get too excited....but I am literally DAYS away from arriving, folks...

Obama's inauguration? That's NOTHING compared to the threat levels and planning that will be in effect in the next ten days...

Dad surprised Mom by building the crib. I now have a place to sleep!! He has thrown out the little cardboard box filled with shredded newspaper, and built my glorious little sleeping quarters. My parents have no room to walk around the apartment, but I do, now in fact, have a place to lay my weary head.

Mom packed her bags for the hospital, and can be called into action at a moment's notice!!
Somehow, Mom has found time for Christmas cards, and baby shower thank-you notes...crazy woman...

Dad went down to Children's Hospital to have my car seat checked. There is an organization called that offers a free service to check to make sure your car seat is installed correctly. They also give a nice twenty minute lesson to people who want to learn how to buckle their kid into the seat correctly. It was a very helpful service, and Dad recommends it to anyone who will need to use a car seat.

Dad unpacked and assembled my "ride" (Or "Stroller" to the unhip) last night. It is folded up in the corner, and folds surprisingly well for such a phat ride. Don't play with me...I will leave you in my wake! Really, this thing is great, because I can off-road if necessary, and it is sturdy, hardcore, and ready for action...however, my parents got it mostly because it can fold down super small to fit into one of the corners in our place. Not bad, eh?

And before you ask...YES...That IS a steering wheel in front for me to take control of my own destiny...

I TOLD you it was hardcore!

A Tale of Two Showers Part I: The Belated Baby Shower Post!!

In my haste to discuss all things both Dad's birthday and Halloween related, I completely glossed over the baby shower that some of my lady relatives threw for my mom up in Connect-I-Cut (Yes...I actually have to sound it out in my head to spell it correctly...)

THEN November happened, and everything moved at this odd breakneck pace, where lots was happening, and it was all happening very fast, but nothing was actually getting done.
SO....let's discuss the baby shower!!

First was a blast. Yeah it was! At the top of this post, you can see a "Diaper Cake" that my Aunt Stephanie made. It is actually made from diapers (Thus, the clever name) and ribbon, with small containers of baby lotion, baby powder, binkies and other such accoutrements. You can see from Mom's expression below, that she had such a good time....Our families really know how to throw a party!
People came in from all over...Aunts, cousins, grandparents, friends, and other assorted family all came out for the big shindig!

My Mom's Aunt and Uncle (My Great-Aunt & Great-Uncle?) hosted the event at their house, while my Gramma Mindy (Picture below) provided food and merriment...She did such a good job of snagging food that everyone (Myself included) thought was just superb...
She got a cake (Sort of pictured below) that turned everyone's mouth blue, but still managed to be delicious...somewhere there are pics of that event, but they won't come out until one of those blue-mouthed weirdos are running for office...

Da Gramma was responsible for Aunt Stephanie made some blue lollipops, and Da Gramma offered people a choice of either tea or hot cocoa with a little reminder of the baby shower on it...Examples are pictured below, however my Mom's name is not Katie, and these pictures merely represent the favors.

There were also little cookie cutter favors that had a little poem in them...I can't remember off-hand what the poem said, but it was super cool. 

My Dad felt bad, because he basically showed up, said "Hi" dropped my Mom off, left, drove around for a couple hours, came back, and picked up all the presents, ate some food and left. He felt weird, and tried to thank everyone he could, but thought it odd that he was essentially the one who showed up to collect the gifts and leave...

While he was eating food, he was being a weirdo and just walking around stabbing a fork into the big trays of food, and eating like some kind of animal...he was handed a plate by my Mom's Aunt Patty, and proceeded to immediately drop both a meatball, and stuffed shells on himself. He is obviously not meant to be eating like a civilized human being, and won't be of any use to me when I am learning manners. God, I hope Mom is better...

EDIT: I just received word that my Mom ALSO drops food on herself constantly...There is no hope for me!

Below, is a picture of Mom, Dad, Aunt Steph, Da Gramma and my cousins from North Carolina (Who now live in Pennsylvania) that surprised us by making the trip! They also helped Dad load all the gifts into the car, with what can only be described as military precision. They were a lot of fun for everyone to have around, and were a big help.

From Me, My Mom, and My Dad...everyone was so generous, and gave us so many gifts, and so much love...all we can do is be humbled by your generosity, and appreciative that you have been so good to us all...To anyone who helped plan the shower, contributed, attended, hosted, or thought about us enough to send a gift even if you couldn't come to the baby shower... 


Tuesday, December 16, 2008


So....if you're watching Prison Break, and haven't gotten caught up yet, here is a major spoiler alert for you all!

(Unless you, like my Dad, has been watching Prison Break since Day One, and saw this coming from episode one of this season...) 

Ready? turns out that Michael Rappaport's character in the show has turned against the Scoffield Boys and their gang, and has turned out to be "Someone that couldn't be trusted and never should have been in the first place."

And guess what? The only thing worse than Michael Rappaport's acting as a do-gooder FBI agent is Michael Rappaport's acting as a backstabbing turn-coat FBI agent.

Exhibit A- Below is a picture Michael Rappaport acting "Happy"
Exhibit B-The other picture is Michael Rappaport acting "Angry"

Monday, December 15, 2008

Still More Clothes!!

So....some of my Mom's side of the family were generous enough to go through old clothes, once belonging to some cousins of mine...we received the boxes, and were pleasantly surprised at how much stuff there was! 


SO many shirts, and tiny little socks, that are jussst the right size for my tiny little feet. Some shoes, lots of onesies, which I will look very forward to soiling at the earliest opportunity...

I got some pants, a tiny Hawaiian shirt which will look just lovely next to my Dad's BIG Hawaiian shirt...sadly, there are no pictures of these things, since Mom & Dad basically just washed them and put them away, but I'm sure that many pictures of me in said outfits will surface online.

There is, of course, a humorous sporting theme carried though the clothing items...We got lots of stuff that implies that my cousin is the son of a "man" (and even a woman, as I believe that even his mom is into sports) who "enjoys sports", whereas I am the son of a theatre major, who ACTUALLY spells theatre with an "re" at the end instead of an "er"...

Obviously, the idea of me being into sports terrifies him, as he will then need to learn how to do basic things like throw and catch a ball without hurting himself or others...Now, he has sworn that he will make that sacrifice, but can't attest to how good he is going to end up at these tasks. 

Even more terrifying to him is the idea that I will end up on some sports team, and he will then be forced to do something he abhors...

Namely, Watch Sports...

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Rollin' rollin' rollin'....

I have officially run out of room, and I am heading down towards the light!

Mom went to the doctor, and the doctor has informed her that I am head-down as they want me to be (Sometimes I can be accommodating...) and that she has begun the process of letting me out...

She has had some mild contractions a couple times a day (Don't panic just because you see the word "Contractions"...this is normal) and is having even more trouble tying her shoes and sleeping.

Sorry, Mom. 

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


What did I tell you people? It says so RIGHT ON THE CANDY....


I know that I seem to be constantly bringing this up, but there are some factions out there that seem to think that candy is going to be the death of me, but hey's OB/GYN recommended! 

It says before...during...AND AFTER pregnancy! Now, I understand that it's for Mom, but you know....send some my way, man!

Wait a minute....BEFORE pregnancy? That would be a little odd to see a woman eating one of these before being pregnant...bizarre.

God, I'm starving...

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

I am my Father's Son....

Yes...I know I spelled "Spelling" incorrectly in my previous post...that was the whole reason for posting...

Dad noticed some misspellings in the blog, and was also told by others that there were some weird grammar issues.  

I took that to mean that I should respond with a smart-ass post. 

Tee hee...I am gonna a wacky kid when I'm out there!

Monday, December 8, 2008

Speling Issues

I have been told that I have had some misspellings and grammar "incidents" throughout my blog by several people. 

Face my Mom says...I'm a growing fetus. Granted, she's my mom, and she's legally required to say that...but if I were you, I would still take her words very seriously, regardless of our relation to one another. 

The fact that I can type as well as I do, and am articulate in any way shape or form should be impressive. Don't make me start getting philosophical with you!

The goal of this blog was to be whimsical and informative, but if it takes throwing down some study and discussion of the nature of existence, knowledge, truth, beauty, justice, validity, mind, and language* to prove to you my intelligence, then SO BE IT!!

*Yes. I copied this description from Wikipedia. Does that make it any less valid? No!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Cupcake Cones...and rolling around... is a classic shot from Dad's birthday party that Mom threw for Dad, and that I never got around to putting up....Dad carved a jack-o-lantern (Which I look very forward to doing with him someday...) and he hadn't done so in awhile, leaving him quite excited about the whole experience...however, the most exciting part was the cupcakes that mom made...she literally put the batter into the ice cream cones, and baked them in the cones...
They were a big hit, and were absurdly delicious...quite a decadent snack for Dad's little bash.

Sorry the picture is a bit murky and blurry, but that just adds to the Halloween spirit... 

He called this pumpkin "The O Face" which I don't get, and I don't think I am supposed to...
In other news, I have run out of room in here, and have been doing much less kicking, and more rolling around...last night I played a delightful game, whereupon I kicked whenever Mom was touching her belly...when DAD came over however, I stopped...

Aren't I a GAS!? 

He did manage to feel me roll around a few times, since I thought I would throw him a bone here and there...Lately I have been getting hungry just before Mom does, she knows she gonna get hungry right after I start rolling around...

Isn't pregnancy a trip?

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Ah...the crazy...

So...Mom is a little big.

I blame myself, of course, but let's face facts people. While Dad thinks that she's beautiful (and has actually managed to pull off some surprisingly fashionable outfits throughout the pregnancy, so YAY HER!) she DOES still HAPPEN to be pregnant...and she does actually look pregnant...not fat.

She relayed to me an incident when she had been walking down the street and this guy that looked perfectly normal at first (I stress the at first part) looked at her. Now, we live in Washington, DC, and as is is typically the case, Mom has garnered the attention of some homeless people (Maybe because her husband looks homeless, they figure they have an "in" with her...OH SNAP! NO I DIDN'T!!) She is used to people looking at her and saying stuff like "God Bless Your Baby" and what-not (and to those kind souls, I say thank you) but this guy looked at her weirdly, and started yelling at her...

He yelled that she was responsible for the way she looked, and that if she had eaten better, and gotten off her ass more, she would look better and be healthier...

My Mom, enjoying the absurdity of the moment since she looks SO....OBVIOUSLY...PREGNANT....just laughed and laughed. She couldn't even wait until he wasn't around, just because it was so absurd...hysterical.

I can't wait to meet people.

Friday, December 5, 2008

I am Not to Be Eaten....

Our good friend Teague sent along this link that I thought you all might find amusing/disturbing...

Earlier in my blog, I mentioned that the baby DOES NOT go into the Tupperware container, rather the baby goes into a larger Tupperware-ESQUE seen to your right...

Now, some nutbag has gone ahead and blurred the line between baby and foodstuffs EVEN FURTHER by creating this cookie cutter...

Now first off, as we all know (Heck, even I know, and I am an unborn baby, for God's sake...) that the cookies NEVER look like what what their molds intend...Christmas Trees tend to look like blobs with points on the sides, Snowmen tend to look like three cookies smooshed together, etc...

(An aside...why is "Smooshed" not in the Firefox dictionary? Lame.)

Even though the pictures of the cookies in the ads for these things always makes them out to look like they actually shape dough so it really looks like the stuff, we all know that this is not always the case.

Now, as many of the comments on that website have pointed out, the cookie barely looks like a fetus, but more like some kind of alien creature....AND THOSE ARE THE ONES IN THE PROMOS FOR THEM!! IMAGINE how the actual cookies would look if the PROMO for them looks this creepy. Unacceptable, says I! Plus, is it like a gingerbread man? Do you start by nibbling off the head? The cute little toes?


Thanks to the "CakeWrecks" blog, and to Teague for pointing this out...I will be sure to keep an eye on Dad, as the act of buying these forms is just the type of shenanigans that he would engage in...

Thursday, December 4, 2008

The Home Stretch...

So here we are, ladies and gentlemen, fans and detractors...

We are officially in the home stretch, folks...It is the beginning of December, and as Christmas decorations go up ( some of them started right after Halloween, which terrified Dad, but for the MOST part, people have started to put up the bulk of their Christmas stuff.) the day I arrive creeps closer and closer.

Mom & Dad, much like when they got super busy  right around their wedding, are now trying to finish the last details regarding me (Cleaning the apartment, setting stuff up, figuring out how a car seat goes in the car, etc) in addition to Christmas shopping (A slightly scaled-down Christmas is to be had this year because of both the economy, and me...) and actually living their lives at work, and what-not....

I am currently head-down, and ready to rock n' roll...I have a few more weeks to cook, and then Mom is unleashing me on the world!

Right now, if you didn't know, Mom is due on Christmas Eve...she believes that she won't go past December 15, but we'll see whose right about that. Because do you people know who's in charge in this situation? ME! And do you people know how random these pregnancies can be? VERY! 

Gramma Mindy arrives in the big District on December 19th (And has gently encouraged me to  wait until she arrives) and my other Grandmother (Da Gramma) will set forth on her journey from a land called  "Connecticut" once Mom is in labor...Apparently, this "Connecticut" is something called a "State" with something called "Voting Rights" which our fair District somehow lacks. I don't know why my parents bother paying taxes...

These are the plans, of course, and we all know what happens to the plan when a baby is involved.   

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

As promised....The Dot Returns!!

So...first things first. An apology is once again in order...I disappeared for the second half of November. A little explanation...
Dad was taking part in NanoWriMo...What is NanoWriMo, you ask? 
Their website explains:

National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

So, Dad was writing fast and furious for the month (and actually,  a majority of his writing took place during the last 12 days of November) and he took up so much bandwidth in the apartment, that posting became slow and tedious, like in the olden days of dial-up (And by "Olden Days", I mean, like, a few months ago....Yes...The Pellegrino-Grant family was on dial-up until A FEW MONTHS AGO...  ) So, I avoided the 'net like the plague, and caught up on some reading, and went through lots and lots and LOTS of baby clothes...

And he, in fact, "won" the month....18.5% of people that entered finished their novel. 119,301 authors signed up for NaNoWriMo, 21,683 finished, and my Dad was one of them. He actually continued a novel that he wrote 50,000 words of last November (So, technically, he is sitting on a very wordy 101,000 word novel, which is not even technically done yet...while he met his word count goal, he didn't finish the novel)

SO....that is the explanation of my absence...but I'm back, and I have a lot to say before I get out STAY TUNED!!!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Coming Soon...

On December 3, The Dot returns with the final chapters in this epic saga (After his Dad finishes National Novel Writing Month)

See you guys soon!!!



Friday, November 21, 2008

Singulitis: The spasmodic contraction of the diaphragm that repeats several times per minute.

Or for you laymen out there...

I had the hiccups the other day. 

Now, while I have had the hiccups on several other occasions, this is the first time that Dad was able to feel them. have had the know how uncomfortable they are. Now, imagine being an innocent baby...floating around in your tiny little world, and suddenly you start these things, and can't seem to stop. It's pretty annoying, mildly uncomfortable, and completely undignified.

However, on the outside world, it is apparently a fascinating thing to behold. You can apparently feel me having little shivering hiccups through Mom's stomach, which Dad felt the other day for the first time. You can also see her stomach jumping around as I have my hiccups. 

Dad thought it was pretty awesome, and I even heard him laughing. Outrageous. You just wait until i get my driver's license, pal.

Laugh it up, people... apparently it's even cuter for you and more annoying for me when I get them on "The Outside..."

Something else to look forward to for the both of us.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

A Pleasant Surprise & A Retraction...

It is not often that I am wrong. This is a fact that I, and others around me, have learned to live with. In fact, many around me thrive due to the fact that they can always count on the Dot being's often I hear: 

"What do we do?" 
"Well, ask the Dot...He'll have the answer!!"

And yes...typically I do. Granted, my answer always comes in the forms of pre-birth gurgles, kicks and what-not....but I think that what I'm saying comes across as having a deep thought process that I can truly utilize later in life when I have discovered the power of speech.

And you know...when I've been born.

Anyway...really, I'm just waffling here...the fact of the matter is, I was wrong. In my previous post, I said that I would like a Teddy Bear...heck, I even said "Please"

Almost immediately, my people received two phone from Da Grandma....and one from my Mom...both were singing the same tune:

"You GOT two Teddy Bears at the baby shower thrown in your honor!" 

Suffice to say, I was chagrined, and I apologize wholeheartedly to the kind-hearted individuals, groups, or corporations that purchased these soft wonders for me. I am beyond excited at the prospect of getting to meet them. Know that I would never have asked for them if I had been informed in a timely manner of their existence...

Mom...Dad...I'm looking at you.

I have 2 teddy is good.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


I would like a Teddy Bear, please. I saw one in my last post in that Tupperware, bassinet thingie...and I looked it up, and decided that I want one forthwith!! 

I predict that I will be a huge fan of stuffed animals!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mom "Ease" Class

So, this past weekend, Mom and Dad took another class to try and teach them something that they can't possibly be taught in a classroom setting. Much like when one works at McDonald's, and are shown a training video that presents a world that CLEARLY doesn't exist, Mom and Dad went to a class which was, while helpful and very informative, showed them a world far calmer than the one they will probably encounter in merely a few weeks.

In a McDonald's training video, for example, there is typically only one customer in the restaurant at a time...they are ordering in complete,intelligible sentences, and the person behind the counter is answering in complete, intelligible sentences. The grill area is spotless, the employees are wearing clean and freshly pressed uniforms fit for the the pope to eat off of. 

The reality? No one on either side of the counter knows what's really going on...the grill is a greasy, chaotic mess, staffed by people who are greasy chaotic messes themselves.

Yes...that's what giving birth is all about, cats and kittens! Now, don't get me wrong...the instructor was fun, and had a lot of experience. She was
 also honest about how distasteful, gory, and unpredictable the experience could be. It was just funny to try and put something into a lesson, when the person teaching you admits that certain things "May not go this way at all" while others "Almost always happen this way"

Mom and Dad learned a lot, and Mom got some good massages out of it (Calm Mommy=Calm Me....get it? Dad...I demand more massages for Mom!)

(Dad got a lot of material for his planned book: "Your Baby Is Transparent! And Other Things No One Tells You About pregnancy." He has even planned a follow-up: "Giving Birth is Gross! Oh...and also kind of miraculous and beautiful...")Many of the partners were late to the class because something called "The G-20" was meeting in DC. In addition to that, there were people protesting members of this "G20" I'll tell you what...I don't think these people are going to actually get anything helpful done that warrants over two hours for Dad to drive just over 2 miles...I think Bush wanted to extend one last middle finger to a city he hardly actually spent any time in, before he leaves in January...

He (My Dad...not current President Bush) finally had to abandon the car and walk the rest of the way, which was not surprisingly much quicker. He looked a bit ridiculous walking past bar-goers in the GW University restaurant/bar district with two pillows and blanket in a huge bag for the class, which  never actually got used.

Dad is so silly sometimes.

Either way...Mom really wants to try and have a natural birth (Though, if my first breaths are taken in this world with a small cocktail tickling the ivories of my little brain, I wouldn't necessarily complain...) and they learned a lot about being able to do that. They felt better in some ways after the class, but were also a little scared. That's natural, I guess. Heck, I was a bit scared myself...I had no IDEA that I actually had to do a little work in this endeavor to get outta here...

The class also included a tour of the birthing wing which was fun. The staff seemed nice, and the rooms were nicer than they anticipated. There are also private bathrooms and showers in the rooms for Dad to get his Singing on...

Mom and Dad got a kick out of the "VIP" room, which costs, like, a billion dollars....Picture this if you will: A typical hospital room...slightly bigger, private, with a bed for Mom, a few chairs, a private bathroom and shower, and a view of the huge hole in the ground that is a construction site. Now....add slightly nice sheets, some kind of armoire, a couch, and cha-ching!!! That costs you almost $300 bucks a night.


All in all, a great and very useful class....though Dad has already forgotten nearly everything, and I wonder if I am gonna make it through having him as a Dad...Though the hospital was nice, I am disconcerted by the fact that after I am born, I will spent my first days in, what is essentially, a tupperware container. Are you kidding me? Unacceptable.

And what's the deal with the creepy baby dolls being used as "examples" in these classes? First the CPR kid, now THESE??! Those things bug me out, and I know what I actually look like! Imagine they showed those things to people BEFORE they got pregnant? Outrageous! No one would EVER have a kid on purpose. They are clearly not designed by anyone who cares about what people think of babies...Ugh...I just got a case of the heebies with a  side of the jeebies...

And for God's sake...Please remember....the BABY goes here...

And The leftovers go HERE....

Monday, November 10, 2008

What's in a Name?

Yeah...that's right...I'm throwing down a little Billy Shakespeare for my peeps...

Speaking of my peeps...Several of my fans have pointed out that I alternate between calling my parental units "Mom & Dad" and "Mother and Father" in my posts. I even mix  it up by sometimes going so far as to calling them "Mom and Father" or "Mother and Dad" I may even call them "Chuck and Bob"

Are Chuck and Bob my parents' names, you may ask? And rightly so you may even ask yourself...why would one decide to call two people by a bunch of random names in an effort to figure out what they would best be called. 

Well....I'm doing it because they're doing it to me! That's right. We're in the home stretch, people, and my parents have narrowed my name down to three. Their requirements were simple: It couldn't be in the top 20 for the past few years, it couldn't be on the upswing,it had to go well with the middle name, and while remaining unique, didn't get me beaten up. (Hello Apple...Hello Pilot Inspektor....OK, Pilot Inspektor is a pretty bad-ass name, I must admit.) 

Because fate works the way it does, Mom and Dad had a girl's name picked almost instantly. The name popped out and they both agreed, and it was settled.

What was actually settled was that they were then inevitably going to have a boy. Meaning that they would then have to continue the aborted discussion on boy's names which ended with "Ugh...let's just not talk about this right now."

So they have gone through about a dozen names that they both brought to the table, and even put them in an excel spreadsheet (Dad is not a geek....he's just geek-inclined. He assured me of this himself...) to be able to move them around and interchange them with different middle names. Once they got it down to just a few, Dad would actually put his hand on my mom's tummy, and ask for taps in reply to names that I liked. (Considering the fact that even I know that my taps are pretty random depending on which organ I want to lodge myself against) they abandoned this methodology fairly quickly. They may end up going into the delivery room with a few names and just seeing what I look like.

I bet I look like a wet, wrinkled infant that looks like every other wet wrinkled infant...but we'll let them keep thinking that it'll work out that way. ;)

I am also trying out an English accent in here, and believe that "Mother and Father" just sound better with the accent. If the accent works out, I may just ask to be named after Phillip Pirrip, the protagonist of Charles Dickens' semi-autobiographical novel "Great Expectations". I can then be called "Pip"...and how delightful would THAT be? I wouldn't get beaten up AT ALL!!

I have also been attempting an Irish accent, but it just sounds like a combination of Australian and Scottish. I think I'll stick with English, or if I must, North Eastern U.S....

For the record, I already know what my name is. I hope my parents guess it correctly.

Sunday, November 9, 2008


I am coming into an exciting world, full of possibilities...

Never have I been more sure of that than now...

Even SQUIRRELS get it. Dad's friend Justin found this picture for him...I mean....


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Dad's birthday!!

Yesterday was my Dad's final birthday without a baby around to spoil it/make it amazing. 

(By spoiling it, I mean that he will probably have to monitor his alcohol intake so that he is still a functioning parent if an emergency making it amazing, I mean that I will be AMAZING at arts and crafts, and this guy has some really cool macaroni greeting cards, and misshapen coffee mugs in his future...)

This year was the first year that I was able to get him a present (having not existed last year.) but it was a doozy! My present was EASILY the coolest present that an unborn baby has ever gotten his Dad. 

I got him 3 onesies that are pictured above....why 3 you ask??!! Because I got 3 different sizes, so that I can fight crime for a full year!! When I grow out of one, I move on to the next! I already told Dad that he could be Robin, so unfortunately that role is already taken, everyone. I will, however, be looking for mortal enemies. So, stay on the straight and narrow!!! 

Mom also got him something really cool, but really...I can't remember what it is...All I know is that he was thrilled, and won't stop talking about it. Ugh....enough with the yappin' !! Get me outta here so I can put on that Batman outfit, already!! 

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Dot Says....

You've seen what happens when you don't listen to The Dot. 

It's a historic election, however you are casting your vote.


Sunday, November 2, 2008

Happy Belated Halloween!!

Happy belated Halloween Everyone!!

As are pics of Dad as a magician, and Mom and I as The Magic 8 Ball (Our favorite 8 Ball fortunes were "Reply Hazy...Try Again later." and "All signs point to Yes")

When Mom got tired, she changed the fortune to "Outlook not so good" Mom put the costume together with Dad's help. She went to a craft store and did some great work on putting this thing together. How awesome!! It was a lot of fun!

The first pic also includes my "Gramma Mindy" as a "Flapper" I believe....I can't remember if she was supposed to be a specific one. The picture also includes my Uncle Mat as a Stormtrooper. He was directing traffic as a stormtrooper, which really drove home how effective a stormtrooper would be at directing traffic.

It was a very good Halloween season for us! First, we went to a Halloween-themed wedding for some cousins of mine...they had a great wedding, and we all had a lot of fun (Luckily Mom kept the dancing down to some swaying and bobbing, thus keeping me from being all woozy and dizzy) The wedding blended a lot of family traditions, with some wedding traditions, and really made their friends, family, and "Union Family" part of the wedding. The costumes were a blast!

Then, Mom had a very low-key birthday party for Dad on Halloween...with Mom-Approved Halloween movies playing in the background (Dad really hopes I don't get Mom's penchant for HATING scary movies) We watched Tim Burton's Corpse Bride, and the classic silent film "Nosferatu: Eine Symphonie Des Grauens (Or "A Symphony of Horror for all you monoglots out there) while we had some snacks and stuff made by my Mom. I recommend the ice cream cone cupcakes, and pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. 

Lots of their friends showed up, and we had a blast. Dad was foolish enough to think he could stay awake to watch the end of the Ghost Hunters Live show, and fell asleep on the couch on the first day that they could sleep in their brand-new bed. What a dope. A good time was had by all! Dad carved a jack-o-lantern for the first time in a few years, and it provided some nice mood-lighting in the apartment. He looks very forward to doing this with me someday, and while I find the handling of pumpkin guts quite distasteful, I will humor him.

Finally, on Saturday, they went to the annual Kate and Jared Halloween bash. While they made, what was essentially an extended cameo, they had a lot of fun watching some questionable Karaoke (Even I know "I Love Rock n' Roll"), and the always awesome house decorations. Jared really outdid himself with the jungle theme...Kate and Jared, as always, were fun hosts, and they had a lot of great food, dancing, and Dad's favorite...Mango Margaritas! Also, this year they added a game where people would try and hook coconuts from the third story of the house his fishing rods. It was so much fun!

And finally...My Dad's favorite halloween costume from this season came to us from "Rich", my mom's
 brother who hates the title of Uncle, so I will gleefully give him other titles throughout my life. 

Today, he is "Senor Rich".

 When my Dad walked off the bus to the wedding, he saw Senor Rich...saw this costume...knew INSTANTLY who he was, and it instantly became his favorite costume. 

Do YOU know who Senor Rich is dressed as?

CPR For Me...

Yesterday, Mom and Dad were kind enough to take a course in infant CPR. Father left the class and remarked that it's awful to want to be really good at a skill that you never want to have to be called upon to use. They both did really well and were only MILDLY creeped out by their infant CPR mannikan (Before you give me any guff....YES, that is indeed how they spell it.)

LOOK at this thing!!! And you thought the ADULT CPR mannikans were creepy?! This baby was freaky as hell!! If I look ANYTHING like this, I will not fault my parents for sending me right back for a refund of some kind.

Though I am told that it doesn't work this way, and that my father should stop thinking that it does.

Mom and Dad's instructor was good. She was professional, funny, and was pretty good at this "teaching" thing.

They both came away with a pretty good understanding of how to perform infant CPR on me, or one of my little friends. Or even a stranger's kid to REALLY up the awkward/terror factor. They also came away with a good understanding that the people in the CPR videos were NOT hired for their acting chops....

Lots of catching up to's gonna be a busy week on The Dot's blog! 

A special shout-out to Rachel for her enthusiasm in regards to the blog the other night. It was thrilling to hear someone who enjoys the blog so much telling others about it...If you're reading this right now, TELL YOUR FRIENDS! Tell publishers!!! My goal is to have a book deal lined up immediately upon my exit from the womb. It is my first priority! 

Actually, it is my second priority, after immediately being swaddled, and bundled into an adorable hat.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

A Trip to the Big City!

Well...a different big city anyway. Mom and Dad went on a trip to NYC
to celebrate their "BabyMoon". It had been some time since they had spent a significant amount of time in NYC, and they took the opportunity to spend their last baby-free weekend in the Big apple...

Mom got to get some work done (Since, TECHNICALLY she was there for a business trip) Dad took a Seinfeldian Trek around NYC, locating Famous Original Ray's Pizza, and the Nexus of the Universe (Both pictured here, at the bottom and top of this blog, respectivly) 

I saw (Well...HEARD...) my first Broadway musicals...Avenue Q (Which is NOT for children, though apparently OK for fetuses....festusi? Hm...neither sounds right...I have to look that up...) The Revival of  "South Pacific" which was wonderful except for about 26 minutes of an extraneous plot which was apparently exciting when the play first came out. I say, ditch it, and make this the perfect play it so longs to be. We saw the play with my Gramma Mindy who is quite a joy to have around, I must say. She fed me Barbecue near Times Square. Also something called an "Onion Loaf" is as disturbing as it sounds. 

Mom and I also took in the  comedy stylings of Mike Birbiglia...even from in here, that fella cracks me up. Check him out if you ever have the chance. He is just delightful....

They also found time to hang out with two of Dad's friends, whom he hasn't seen for ages. One in almost ten years, the other in 
almost 15!! Crazy, eh? I can' wait to have friends that I won't see for over a decade someday. 

We rounded out the trip with a visit to The World Famous Carnegie Deli which was as delicious as its reputation , the store FAO Schwarz (Which is a place that I am told I will LOVE someday...) The Hershey Store (Which I ALREADY love) 

I haven't forgotten about my other promised posts, dear readers...I have just been lazy. It has been awfully cramped in here lately. Mom's stomach is ridiculous, and doesn't seem to be getting bigger....but do not doubt me. I will find a way to make some room in here, and I will deliver my prose to you, POST HASTE!!
This weekend is a chance for my parents to take a baby CPR course to save my life, should I need it. I am, after all....the future.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The Dot learned a new word today!!!

And that word is "Panic"...
A quick search on the web for the exact definition of "Panic" brought back the following: 
"An overwhelming feeling of fear and Anxiety"
(I also found "To cause a sudden fear in or fill with sudden panic..." but I find definitions that include the word they are defining within them useless, and insulting to our intelligence....)
What does the word "panic" mean to my Dad? My Dad described it thusly: 

" "Panic" is when your wife tells you the story of how her co-worker (who was also pregnant) was due to have her baby on Thanksgiving, and had the baby this past weekend."

Man...Dad is being such a baby, don't you think?

Monday, October 20, 2008

Mom's Sweet Tooth Didn't Kill Me!!

Good morning all. 

Just a quick note about some cool things from last night before I jump into the usual pontificating...

So, I had just woken up around 11:00pm (This does not bode well for Mom & Dad's current sleeping patterns, I might add) and as is usually the case, I stretched out because hey...I'm a fan of stretching out. And as I did so, I heard Dad chatting away with me from "The Outside" and instead of kicking, I pushed against Mom's stomach, and instead of him and Mom feeling a kick, he actually felt me press and run my hand down her stomach. It was an odd feeling for both Mom & Dad...and they both seemed to get a kick out of it (Even if they were a bit weirded out about it) 

Dad is still having trouble accepting that I'm a real baby, and not just an idea. I don't think he believes that I will actually be out there sooner or later, and that I'm not just a random batch of kicking and punching from "The Inside"

I'm coming, Mister!! GET READY!!

So anyways....a note on the latest doctor's appointment. My mom went in to take her glucose test. Why did she have to take the test? Well....if Mom has a high blood sugar level, then she is said to have gestational diabetes and that is bad news for me, man. Her pancreas would have to work overtime to produce insulin, but it wouldn't necessarily lower the blood glucose levels, meaning that I end up with high glucose levels, cuz I get everything she's got...yadda yadda yadda....At the end of the day, all this scientific jargon leads to a "fat" baby with possibility of breathing problems, damage to body during birth...and what does this big fat paragraph ultimately mean to me?

No more ice cream. That's right, favorite vice snatched away from me in the prime of my gestation....

What happened, though!??! SHE PASSED!! Which, more importantly means that I passed!!

All is well, I'm healthy and happy....

And we had SO much chocolate and sugar that night....we finally had ice cream a couple days later, and Mom had a Heath bar sundae from Baskin Robbins, and also had a few bites of Dad's Cookie Dough Sundae which was like heaven on Earth wrapped in marshmallow and peanut butter sauce. 

Wait a minute...are fetuses supposed to eat cookie dough?

Oh Damn.

Monday, October 13, 2008

In My Absence.

Happy Columbus Day, all!!

My apologies for being absent these past several days. (Or weeks) Things have been quite busy here in the womb, and I had no idea that I had "fans" or that people "Wanted to hear more from me." 

I have been informed otherwise, and will never let you down again. If I should disappear for any extended period of time , it is only because my parents have neglected to log me into ye olde interwebs, and left me to fend for myself with a pad and paper like some kind of commoner. Scratching my thoughts like so much drivel to be transcribed later, most likely with numerous mistakes in the transcription.

On that note, my parents were staying in a hotel this weekend, and my father thought it clever to rename the hotel's internet desktop icon to "Ye Olde Interweb" Mother saw it later, and remarked that it was quite similar to what my father called the internet.  She didn't realize, however, that he was the one who did it. We all had quite a chuckle at the situation, and enjoyed our little bit of humor. 

How quaint.  

I have been doing some traveling as of late, and I assigned a guest blogger to continue writing. I thought that I could entrust him with my much-loved fan-base, but alas he was not to be trusted. He was a man that I believed possessed the character, moxie and gumption that I thought necessary to provide my adoring public with its periodic doses of humor, information, and philosophical fodder, among other things. He was a man that I thought I could count on to make sure that the public was kept abreast of the situations that I was involved in, and really, it wouldn't have been so bad if the blog.

Let's call this man "Dad".

While I will let him off the hook this time, I believe his irresponsibility may have cost me fans, and above all, may have deprived you all of that which you hold dear: Blogs from me.

"Dad" (If that is his real name....I am skeptical, as no naming patterns I have researched have shown the name "Dad" to appear anywhere in common naming conventions. However, in my research, I have noted many people to have been named in this fashion. This leads me to be suspicious in both his motives and tactics for furthering them. Further research into Anglo-Saxon naming conventions will hopefully reveal the crucial key that I am missing)

Where was I....Oh yes...."Dad" has been summarily punished for his lapse in writing by having his apartment filled to bursting with many gifts and accoutrements for me. I feel just dreadful that Mother also is forced to climb over 216 boxes of diapers  and other various baby items to get to anything useful for adults, but she is what we like to call "Collateral Damage" in these cases. Mea culpa mater....


The most recent doctor's visit....who will I be mocking, and  calling out for denying me ice cream THIS WEEK?!?

A Halloween wedding...what did mom go as to include me in the festivities???? What was Dad's favorite costume!??!

My Mom's baby shower...what did we get? What was everyone wearing? What was Dad's deal with dropping food on himself and others AFTER someone gave him a plate and he stopped eating directly out of the food trays....

Classy, Dad...real classy.

STAY TUNED!! I'm back, ya'll!!!!!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Well...I am merely three posts into my blog, and already controversy has erupted.
I feel the need to address my previous post, as several people (Including my mom) have brought a few problems to my attention. 

Yes...the last post was about my distaste for American film and television "actor" Michael Rappaport. Several people have noted that I have not actually watched any of Mr. Rappaport's work, and therefore would be unable to comment upon its quality (Or lack of...)

Here is the thing: First off, I am currently typing a blog. This makes it pretty obvious that I have internet access in  here (The Womb Wide Web, if you will....HA! Clearly I ended up with my father's corny sense of humor) and I am able to research news items of the day, and other such important information that I find pertinent to my growth and development.

By the condolences go out to a Mr. "Dow Jones" who apparently fell down a set of almost 777 stairs yesterday. My best for a speedy recovery!

Where was I...OH! That's right...
Secondly, my father is always having conference calls with me. And by this, I mean that he leans close to mom's belly and actually talks to me. He really does this. He has given me a few life lessons (And has somehow managed to avoid cursing during them) and also talked to me about a few things that he feels are important. He does this, both because he thinks it's fun, and wants me to recognize his voice. I will definitely recognize his voice, with or without the chats, since he is awfully loud.

These are the ways that I have ended up knowing about things that you wouldn't necessarily think that a growing  fetus should know about. Please know that, in the future, I will refrain from editorializing in my blog. I will try and just keep it informative, and on topic. Every now and again, I'm sure something important will come up that I feel the need to comment on.

Like the fact that Michael Rappaport is a terrible, terrible actor.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

A Word of Note

Michael Rappaport is the most overrated actor of our time. Seriously...who decided this guy was good? He does one character...the character of "Michael Rappaport: Most overrated actor of our time" and doesn't even do that character all that well. 

Boo to Prison Break (Already a shark-jumped show if there ever was one) for allowing this man to poison what dignity it has left. I keep giving Prison Break numerous chances to win me back, because Dad has a lot invested in the Burrows brothers. (And also an understandable man-crush on Wentworth Miller)

My apologies for the shoddy picture, but I don't have photoshop in here and have to make do with the very basic of photo editing programs.

That is all.

I am stubborn. Get used to it.

So, Mom had an ultrasound on Thursday, and apparently, I have heard through the grapevine (they call it an "umbilical cord" out in the Real World) that it took me forever to turn around so they could get the appropriate pictures and measurements. Yes, I made my mom lay there for just over two hours while my dad sat in a chair staring at a screen because I did not feel like moving. Yep...I had my butt pointed at the camera for that whole time. And yep...Mom was slightly annoyed that she had to wear a weird hospital gown for no real reason except that she was in a hospital. The gown was poorly designed, and honestly useless. So...I was a bit difficult. 

Why, you may ask? Why, dear Dot, would you ever do such a thing?

Well...because I have been denied ice cream. That's why. At the advice of those around my mom, she has curtailed her ice cream intake to a level that is falling short of the standards I have set for myself. I will go on strike during any upcoming ultrasounds, until my demands for the sweet stuff are met.
Know this...I have no limits, because I do not know what limits are. That's not a threat...No one has taught me yet. Seriously. No one has taught me what limits mean. Anyone that can clue me in would be of great help to me. a show of good will...I turned around just long enough for the final measurements, and also to show my face for the first time in a long time. Here is the best pic from the Ultrasound....

Ladies and Gentlemen.... I officially have a face. By the way...many thanks to the lady doing the ultrasound for squishing my nose.  I look ridiculous.

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Better Late than never....

So....a long time ago, when my My Mom (The Incubator) and My Dad (The guy who pokes me and feeds my mom ice cream to try and get me to kick) were talking about conceiving me, My Dad had discussed starting a blog for me to jot down my ideas and thoughts as they came to me....He talked about how great it would be for me to share my important, and all powerful perspective on the grand journey growing from a tiny Dot (that's how I got the nickname) to a kicking, screaming baby. Well, My Dad being the way he is, Mom is now mere months away from kicking me to the curb and he finally got around to starting my stupid blog. I find this totally unacceptable, and frankly a bit unprofessional on his part. I mean, doesn't he want me to be able to make my thoughts known? Doesn't he know that there could very well be nuggets of genius nestled in all my talk about chillin' in my womb and my fears about living in a placenta-free world?

Hm...well, greetings and salutations, people. I am currently called "The Dot" and I will have more to say very soon. Don't you fret.